This page covers some of the history of marriage as in the bible and shows us where it all began and why it is like it is now. We can see how marriage arrived at the state its in today and find the keys to make changes that work. The brief but powerful narrative has kept the Hebrew people working together for thousands of years as they interpret and work on how to do what it teaches.

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Alpha and Omega

Beginning and End

Root of Jesse


Adam could not find a mate among them.

Free to explore life together

The Beginning and the End

It is said that the bible begins and ends with a marriage and there are no shortage of examples of marriage in between either. Marriage is one of the major themes in the bible and one of the most important issues in life today, yesterday and in the future. In fact without stable marriages the future of any society is dubious. Marriage is the foundation of any society and what a society does with it controls the quality of life thereof.

Marriage has been under attack all through the centuries but in recent times in western countries it has suffered severely. In the middle of last century the divorce rate was around 4% and now it’s around 52%. Some say it’s just more real now and last century they stayed together in unhappy marriages because of pressure from society but I think they actually had a better grip on the keys to happiness than we do now.

One of the reasons it is reeling is the way people have begun to question things. They ask why when they are told, “the bible says so”, and there are few who can answer. One of the reasons for this is because of the way the Christian church has divorced itself from its Judaic roots and almost no-one reads the Talmud, which is the books of the oral tradition of the Jews, used to supplement the Torah. (Old Testament) It is a compilation of wisdom theory and practical insight into how to live with the Law of Moses. Not all of the Talmud is gospel but a lot of it can help with day-to-day decisions for someone wanting to do right by God and not suffer unduly.
Pastors seem to concentrate on telling us to go forth and preach the gospel instead of teaching us how to love each other as ourselves.

Another reason is the generation gap which caused young people to mistrust older people, who could pass on wisdom gained through experience. So they don’t ask older people what to do or how to live believing them to be equally ignorant and so one of the most important facts goes unrecognized.
That is; life is not perfect but we can make decisions that are better or worse in the long run.

THE BEGINNING

So lets begin at the beginning. In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth and everything in it etc. Then He began to work on Man. Please note that Man originally meant mankind or both men and women. After interaction with Adam for some time, He remarked, it is not good for man to be alone. He needed a helper! He brought all the animals to Adam to see what he would name them but could not find a suitable helper.

So He made Adam sleep and took one from him. (Gen.2) The English version says He took Adams rib and formed a woman from it. Cloned perhaps! So Adam got the helper he needed and she was perfectly suitable being made especially for the job.

 So here we see the first example of marriage. She was called woman because she was taken from man and then it says, “for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become (like) one flesh” (again) So she was taken from man and to be complete must be reunited with man This is the reason a man must leave his father and mother. It doesn’t say a woman must leave her family but that a man must leave his. This can be a problem in cultures like in China, where the wife joins the husband’s family. The husband doesn’t leave!

What the bible doesn’t tell us is why God thought he needed help. It doesn’t tell us that Adam thought he needed help. Perhaps this is the first place where the Jewish tradition may shed light on the situation. The oral tradition holds that God did not take a rib from Adams side but that He took a side from Adam. His female side! This introduced some tension in to Adam. There was something missing. He was incomplete! And there was someone other than himself to think about now. Perhaps that’s where the expression, “My other half” or “My better half” came from and the root of the joke, when God made man, He was only practicing! The feminists certainly think so. And they have some great statistics and reasoning to back up their arguments but. Show me a happy feminist? Most of the happiest women in the world are married mothers.

The theory is that men need to need so that they can strive and learn and build their characters and eventually be reunited as one flesh and to know the wonder of fulfillment which is only possible when there was none before. Water is not even thought about until you have a shortage and then when you are really thirsty, water becomes an amazing answer to the problem.

Then it says, “They were both naked and felt no shame”. They were innocent! This is one of the missing foundations for marriage in the modern world today. It is so fragile and so powerful. The first couple had no emotional baggage and no sexual hang-ups. They were innocent! They learned about life together. Adam was slightly more experienced than Eve but essentially they leaned on each other for life’s problems and experienced their relationship equally together and without prejudice from outside influences. What fun they must have had together until that day.

THE CURSE

The enemy of our souls came to Eve and questioned her trust of God’s word. He didn’t go to Adam because he knew Adam wouldn’t listen, but women are good at listening. Men don’t easily change their minds but women do. He asked, ”Did God really say…”

And then when she ate the fruit, Adam had less choice. He could not array himself against his other half and anyway, she had just eaten and not died, maybe God was wrong. However when he ate, their eyes were opened to the truth of evil and there was no getting that innocence back. The knowledge of good and evil was a concept God was saving for another day but now they would have to run damage control.

She should not have looked at temptation so long but it was her first time and she didn’t know how heavy the result would be. They tried to use fig leaves to hide their shame.

God called out to them, “where are you?” Not because He didn’t know, but so the couple would realize where they stood. He gave them a chance to confess the truth but already sin had taken a grip. We’re hiding because we are naked! Who told you that you are naked? (There is no one else there!) Did you eat of the tree in the middle of the garden?

Straight away they start blame shifting and finger pointing. And it’s the same today!

In the beginning God gave them joint control over all creation (Gen 1:27-29) and now they can’t even control their tongues.

 This shows us why the enemy of our souls is so set on destroying marriages, particularly Christian marriages: a united husband and wife team have power to rule over creation. They will be blessed and multiply and have dominion. But now we are down to keeping our nakedness under control.

 God cursed the serpent and took away it’s legs, then He turned to the woman and said, “I will greatly increase your pain during childbirth. 2. Your desire will be for your husband. 3. And He will rule over you.”  Feminists would call this a curse, certainly a punishment but it is also a fact now that we must work with and we know that God loves his creation and that even these things can work towards good.

Then he turned to the man and said: “Because you listened to the woman (instead of me, and did not warn her) Cursed is the ground and you will have to work hard to get food all your life, until you return to the dust I made you from”. And man has not listened to woman much ever since! Soon there were weeds in the garden.

Then for the first time death came into the garden as God slaughtered a lamb and made clothing for them from the skin. They were evicted and kept away from the tree of life, which had the power to keep them alive eternally. Eternal sin cannot be allowed.

Later they conceived and Eve bore a son who became the first murderer and killed his own brother out of jealousy. But multiply they did and so the human race began. Thousands of years and millions of people later the need for a Saviour grew and reached fruition.

It is worth noting that although men and women were cursed to suffer work, pain and obedience, the obedient fulfillment of these things brings a blessing and life is better because of them. For example; a man who works hard diligently, earns more for his family and all are better off, food, housing, holidays etc. A woman who suffers childbirth develops a less selfish character, a greater awe of God and a larger family which is an eternal blessing and when she obeys her husband, she brings peace to the house and trust to her husband, which leaves him free to concentrate on building the family instead of worrying about alternatives.

REDEEMED

 Jesus became the last Lamb sacrificed on our behalf, redeemed us from the curse, took back the authority over creation and made it possible for anyone who believes to go to the wedding of the Lamb of God, when all creation will be brought back into fellowship with God, the way it was meant to be as in the beginning. (Mat:22.1 Rev:21.9)

We are Redeemed so that we can glorify God and thereby build His Kingdom. Jesus gave us a picture of what the Kingdom of God is like. It’s like a man who planted a tiny seed and that seed grew into a herb (as expected) and then continued growing into a mighty tree and bore fruit and gave shelter to many. The Kingdom is bigger and more far reaching than we think! Our marriages are meant to bring us pleasure, and then children, who grow to copy us, and bring their partners pleasure, and children to build a much greater Kingdom where we all represent the abundant goodness of God.

The most important point for this book is that He redeemed marriage from the state that Adam and Eve put it into, body, mind and spirit. It is possible for two people to unite as one to multiply and subdue the earth and to be happy. We have always had the choice, to work with God or against Him. Working with Him is always the better choice!

However, the church doesn’t seem to be working with Him on this one. The Government stats in the UK reveal that divorce increased 300% in just 30 years from 1950 to 1980 and the rates in the church are the same as outside God’s sanctuaries. Although the majority of these divorce cases got married in the church, they were not following God’s recipe.

So what is God’s recipe? That is the subject we will explore here. Beginning with a look at Adam and Eve.
They can teach us many valuable lessons. Even though we cannot go back to the garden, we can learn from the principles God instituted there.

Adam and Eve’s recipe for a good marriage.

1. Take two innocent people, one man and one woman.
2. Let them understand that they belong to each other.
3. Let them remember that God joined them together
4. Let them know that unity is their goal.
5. Give them a mission to work on together
6. Let them look at/listen to no other.
7. Let them replicate themselves through children.

This is a brief list of the conditions that they began with, an ideal start. We do not have that luxury and must also consider the next stage when looking at marriage lessons.

After they ate the forbidden fruit, God changed the conditions. Easy living in the garden was no longer available. Adam had to go out and work long hours. Eve had food preparation now. She had hard labour in childbirth but as Timothy reminds us, that that will save her, and anyway some woman have a relatively easy time, especially the second child. (1Tim:2:9)

He also reminds us that she will be ruled over by her husband and that her desire will be for him.

 What this means can be the difference between happiness and a lifetime struggle. Feminists are longing for the garden where men and woman were equal but the ground rules have changed and we can’t go back.
A woman who is resolved to “Let” her husband rule, will have a more relaxed life. Whereas your average modern wife is so busy trying to maintain control that she cannot relax and be happy and certainly cannot make her husband happy who instinctively knows that he is supposed to rule.

The phrase “desire will be for him”, gives us a word picture of a woman stretching out with desire towards her husband. Now everything she longs for is hidden in him and she must try to work with him to release her desire. There are many reasons for this that we will expand on later.

So the beginning was a man and a woman exploring life together in innocence, falling, struggling, and finally finding redemption through Jesus Christ, the second Adam, who will take us, the Church, as His bride when He returns. And the end is a wonderful eternity of exploring the depth and breadth and height of God’s love with Him.
 An end without end!

The Foundation

The first marriage recorded was in the Garden of Eden. It was a simple ceremony involving an acknowledgement of the situation and a couple of sentences cried out and the only witness was God. However the principles set up that day are the foundation of Christian marriage and will be the guidelines for us to follow to receive the blessings that marriage is supposed to be.

18. And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet (perfectly suitable) for him. 19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. 20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; 22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. 23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. 24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. 25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

So the first point to note is that men need a helper.

The second point to note is that it was God’s idea not the mans. He didn’t know he needed help.

What did he need help with? Gathering food was no problem, keeping warm wasn’t an issue, there were no enemies, wild animals or dangers at all. Perhaps the Jewish tradition can give us a clue here. It holds that God actually took Adam’s female side from him and the division of Eve from Adam created some tension and the reuniting into “One flesh” of the couple became a goal to work towards. It created a need for action. He had to learn to work with his other half. Marriage is God’s plan and for His purposes.

Third point, she was perfectly suitable. This is a guide for us to find the right person as a mate. Adam had it easy, he just woke up and there she was! We have it just as easy but it doesn’t seem that way sometimes. We must ask God who and when we should marry and if He says wait then we need to wait. Equally if He says now, don’t wait.

 George Muller listed these two things in his advice to young people. (Godly and suitable) He and Mary had a great relationship despite being very busy with preaching out of town and running 5 orphanages, very hands on, as well as their own kids. Such pressures usually cause divorces.
David Livingstone also acknowledged God’s choice for him in a wife. He had to be mauled by a lion to force him to spend enough time with her to marry her. He was mostly an absentee husband and father but they loved each other deeply and both suffered when apart for any length of time.

Suitability is the key, which is the best advantage of arranged marriages. Who knows a person better than their parents? Young adults often don’t know themselves as well as their mother does and it takes them until they are a mother or father to realize it.
Parents who love their children will always try to get the best for them, especially in a husband or wife. For those who believe in arranged marriages it’s such a security to know that there will be no major upsets with your family and relatives because they chose him or her and they have no right to complain. Statistically marriages where the couple came from the same background last longer. The Jews traditionally practiced arranged marriages, where the parents or a matchmaker finds the ideal person for the prospective son or daughter. They check the background and talents and ambitions and relatives of each person to get the right combo. A bit like computer dating! Then they arrange a meeting or two before the wedding date to check that the couple actually like each other. They both must be physically attracted to each other or the marriage is off.

The time of betrothal between meeting and marrying is kind of like a marriage without sex. The couple get to know each other from the perspective of knowing that it’s only a matter of time until they are permanently together. That time is used to learn how to love each other without sex. The ability to stimulate oxytocin (love hormone) before marriage creates a lasting bond and training for tough times later. Also why dating doesn’t work as the hormone response is activated without the knowledge of the practical sense of the match.Makes people think they are in love when they are just producing hormones.

One of our best examples is Isaac and Rebecca. Abraham said one day, “Time you got married boy”, and sent a servant out to find one for him. That would give any American nightmares for weeks! But let’s look and learn from God’s example. Abraham knew his son and knew when he was ready to make a go of marriage or whether his inexperience and lack of strength would kill it. The servant didn’t want to fail. He asked God to guide him in the choice. He also knew the master and had been living with him for most of his life. He got the sign he asked for. He asked for a kind woman. She was young, (virgin) strong, (healthy) kind (nurturing) and beautiful and from the right background. Isaac was very pleased with his choice. He didn’t have to do it himself (no opportunity to get confused by the oxytocin response) and the results were great.

 Fourth, the uniting of the couple requires the man to leave his family. A man needs to be responsible for his wife to grow up and grow strong. Men who stay with their parents don’t practice responsibility and often take sides with their parent against their wife (a natural thing to do) and the marriage does not achieve the depth of relationship that “One flesh” requires. Sometimes the wife just lowers her expectations to a miserable existence and turns into a shell of her former self. Who could then blame either the husband or wife for finding a replacement.

  And fifth, innocence is a prerequisite. Adam and Eve did not know wrong! They explored life and each other without prejudice or comparisons.

Internet forums are filled with people asking why they still feel so strongly about their first lover when they are now onto number 5? Having more than one relationship does not make us better judges of how to run a relationship, instead it makes us more critical of what we have, always comparing each other with the others. This is destructive to relationships. Each relationship forms a spiritual/emotional bond and bonding with more than one other pulls us in two directions. Contrast this with when two virgins make love for the first time, they are on equal ground! They are both discovering sex together and the resultant blood forms the basis of the biblical covenant. They are developing a strong trust of each other based on experience together. The circle is closed, there is no outside interference. Trust enables a couple to go deeper and deeper and more intimate, which is a great blessing. Selfish marriages cannot go there and are doomed from the start. What is inferred but not stated here is commitment. Adam and Eve had no options to choose from so they didn’t have to choose but we must make a choice to marry one and only one person for the rest of our lives. This is a really scary thought unless you know in your heart that you have found God’s choice for you.

In modern western society innocence is laughed at, “try before you buy” is considered sensible and I’ll choose what I want is normal business. And no wonder the results are seen in the divorce courts every day. After you have tried, you then need some alternatives for comparison! How can a person of limited knowledge of themselves let alone others choose a life partner? Only God knows us as we ought to be known and our parents are second best choice to advise us.

It’s important to note that they belonged to each other. This is implied but not stated. She was taken from him and returned to him. They belonged together! They belonged to each other. (So:6.3) They had the advantage of being alone and there was no-one else to choose from but they knew they belonged and we can too. (possession,   )

The Purpose

Why do people get married? There are just about as many answers to that as people but if we are to be successful at marriage it would pay to line ourselves up with God’s plan and solicit His help when needed. We can guarantee His help when we do His will.

The following passage from Genesis holds the answers to the original plan.

And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. 28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth ^F6 upon the earth.

29 And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.

There we have the outline of the original plan. God created men and women to be like Him, to rule together over creation! To learn together, to multiply, to take care of the earth and it’s inhabitants and to eat fruit and herbs. (Vegetables that grow above the ground) Sensitive people these days are trying to get back to the garden, by being environmentally friendly, recycling vegetarians. Good idea but we can’t go back so easily. Sin entered the world, we lost control and rule to Satan and now we must eat meat to atone for the fall. Satan meanwhile is roving around trying to stop us from multiplying and learning from God and he makes recycling a real battle.

We have the technology to make pollution free cars for example but we continue using petroleum-based fuels. Fear and greed and selfishness rule! Selfishness has become such a disease that most people no longer want to multiply because it’s too difficult and those who follow their passions too soon have their children aborted rather than take care of them.

God’s original plan was for us to grow, learn, conquer and care for our environment and be just like Him.

He is wise, creative, loving and powerful.
The ultimate purpose of marriage is to reflect our wonderful loving creator God through the unity and power created by loving and working together as one and achieving the character growth implied in that.

 Jesus said, “if any two agree on earth , it will be bound in heaven”. He was not talking about liking the same things but two people who are dwelling in unity, agreed in spirit, believing for something in faith,
then heaven is bound to do it.
That is the power of unity that is possible for marriage.
That is the power that marriage was supposed to have
 and that is the power that the enemy of our souls has been working to prevent for the last several thousand years.

When we have achieved that mission, Jesus will come back and marry His bride, the spotless church.