SEX
Does God want to deny us pleasure? You would think so by some people’s attitude.
Actually God invented pleasure, God designed sex and it’s the enemy of our souls who wants to destroy our pleasure by making it unsatisfying.
God designed sex to be most fulfilling inside the safety of marriage. Safety from STDs and emotional baggage! God designed our bodies and their functions and He intended that we should enjoy the rejoining of ourselves to each other, the reunification process “as often as possible” . He took us apart in the garden so that we could marvel at the completion when coming together.
One of the principle reasons for getting married is for sex. To avoid fornication.
Conjugal rights means exactly that, a person has the right to have sex with their marriage partner. Not the right to not have sex.
Sometimes the church can unwittingly reinforce the idea that the body is evil and to be avoided. Scriptures like, “the flesh is enmity against God” are taken to mean that physical things are bad but spiritual things are good. The sect of the Essenes had this idea but they died out from lack of reproduction.
In years past sex was always associated with making babies but since the advent of the birth control pill, people see sex and babies as two different subjects, until they get pregnant!
Sex is God’s gift of pleasure as a reward for faithful commitment to marriage.
Jesus came to bring us salvation, which in the Greek, “Sozo” means completely whole. We were created in God’s image, triune beings with mind, body and spirit. The body has been redeemed as well! The body is not inherently evil but held in tension between moving in the right direction and moving in the wrong direction.
The apostle who wrote, “It is better to marry than to burn”, reinforced this idea. (1 Cor: 7.9) He wasn’t meaning burn in hellfire as some might think but to burn with passion. To be consumed by strong feelings that prevents one from normal activity. (1 Cor: 7.2) The Jews think it unnatural for a Rabbi to be single and tell a story of an older Rabbi who would not let a young Rabbi come to see him until he was married, not wanting to be affected by his impure thoughts. To avoid fornication let every man have a wife and every woman her husband.
Several other scriptures and the wedding vows themselves further reinforce the idea of a couple enjoying each other’s bodies. “Come together as often as you can” (do not defraud) to avoid temptation and “your body is not your own, it belongs to your spouse”, all give us the impressions that fulfilling sex is not just possible, its required of a marriage. The term defraud is a legal term and fraud is a criminal offence, indicating a trick or con, pretending to be something that you are not. That is you cannot be a faithful spouse without giving sex to your partner.
Simply put; withholding sex is illegal!
Marital sex is an act of spiritual warfare and we are warned to continue making love as often as possible so as to deny the enemy a foothold in our relationship.
The ancient Jews formalized the scriptures and gave financial punishments to those that refused to perform their “duties”. The wife’s Ketubah (dowry/life insurance) had a daily fine imposed on it as long as she refused to “do her duty”. Likewise the husband had to pay her more if he refused her. If either continued to refuse it could lead to massive financial debt but more likely either divorce or reconciliation.
This idea is now outdated as many people have sex without getting married but they don’t realize what they are missing out on. Recent research has revealed that most people who have sex outside their marriage actually enjoy the married sex more.(Adultery, Kerby Anderson, Probe ministries) Makes you ask then so why do they do it? Because they perceive an important need is not being met at home. Whether that need is sex or just connected with it in some way varies but the felt need propels them to fulfill it.
Many more have sex before marriage, not being able to wait, or wanting to check if it is good enough to commit to for life. This removes the wonder and sanctity of the wedding night (avoids the blood covenant if it is the second partner) and sets up a cycle of guilt in the marriage, thus making married sex “less than fulfilling”.
Dating is a dangerous occupation brought about by modern city lifestyle. The biblical pattern is matchmaking by caring family in small communities where everyone knows each other. Dating was not necessary as the couple likely knew each other for many years before being brought together, for the good of all. Now people in big cities do not know each other, move often, don’t even know their neighbours and so dating has grown into an immoral pastime of try before you buy. Sounds like a reasonable idea but the result is actually counterproductive.
Trying the first is no use without a comparison, so the second and third. The person then finds that none are perfect but all have good points, making the choice even harder and if the first was deemed the best or good enough, they are no longer interested after being dumped for number 2 and 3. Computer dating may be closer to the original pattern depending on the questions used to match with.
Marriages without sex can be legally annulled. Not divorce but to consider the marriage over as if it never was. Ancient Jewish law provided a document (Ketubah) where a husband to be, guaranteed his betrothed sufficient sex to keep her happy. The wife did not have to sign any such thing but since the husband is the head of the house and wives were required to submit to them, it was deemed unnecessary to write it out. A spouse who refused to please his/her partner could be divorced and the Ketubah/dowry would not have to be paid.
So how often is enough? This question is asked often of counselors and on the Internet. The answer is… That varies from person to person, as everyone is different.
Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
This verse shows us that the frequency should be as often as our partner requires. Don’t deprive your partner unless they consent, and then with an agreed time limit, for a spiritual purpose, so that the enemy cannot temp us and use our frustration as a lever to tip us out of the race. I’ve known people both men and women who thought that 3 times per day was good. Some husbands are blessed with a job that even allows them to come home at lunch time for a bit of marital strengthening. Most would probably be happy with 3 times per week but others fear that their spouse will just want to keep pushing the envelope and want more and more. I think the starving man principle applies here. If he hasn’t eaten for a while, he can think of nothing but food. Regular meals keep him thinking about other things.
Jewish tradition holds that a man must make love to his wife at least once every 2 weeks to keep her satisfied. Medical researchers have discovered that the average woman has a two week long dopamine/prolactin cycle. That means that most women will feel the need to make love twice per month. That also fits in with the monthly menstrual cycle so that he doesn’t have to make love for the 2 weeks of her uncleanness. She is deemed unclean while she has her period and then for 7 days afterwards. This might seem like a long time to a virile young husband but most women back in the old days were either pregnant or breastfeeding for most of their marriage. No contraception meant many children and breastfeeding was one of the main methods of birth control. Women were required to breastfeed for 2 years minimum, and exclusive breastfeeding suppresses ovulation. It also means that a husband doesn’t have to stop making love while she has her period since she doesn’t have one. (While nursing exclusively) The husband could also be kept satisfied with his wifes breasts. (prov. 5:19) Its worth noting here that the love hormone, Oxytocin, is released on two ocasions, when making love (intercourse) and when breastfeeding. Both promote love!
The Rabbis also had regulations to prescribe frequency of sex for men with different occupations. For example a man who didn’t work (independently wealthy) should make love everyday (to keep from adultery) but a fisherman (out at sea) was only required to make love only once every 30 days. A man who refused to make love to his wife was fined and likewise a woman was fined for each day she refused to comply with her husband.
Now we ask the next most asked question: How much sex is too much? Again the answer varies. Each married couple is different and their needs are different. One thing we can say is that a married person’s duty is to fulfill their spouse’s need as best they reasonably can. Some require sex once per month and some three times each day. We eat three times per day, so why not make love? As long as it does not injure health and well-being, it doesn’t matter. Sex is good for your health, if you are married and also good for your relationship, helping a couple to become bonded, one flesh. The hormones released into the bloodstream before and during orgasm have a beneficial effect on the body and help a couple to feel loved. And it is most important to maintain a marriage and not let the enemy get a foothold in it by making a gap between a spouses need and your provision for that need. However if the frequency is preventing ones ability to function normally then you must analyze why the need and if it will continue to be too much or is just a short-term thing (Honeymoon).
Dissimilar sex drives: The third most common question then is what about if I can’t keep up with my spouse?
I say again, it is our duty to do what we can for our partner, our bodies do not belong to ourselves and we must give them to our partner when required. (1 Cor. 7) For some women the 2-week respite during their period and uncleaness is very welcome. Do your best and ask God for the rest!
The word counsels us to give and it will be given to us in abundance! Here is the root of many problems in marriage, the ability to believe God.
We must believe that God will help us to fulfill His call on us.
If our spouse requires us to make love 10 times a day, then we must believe that God will give us the answer. Either He will give us the strength (physical) to cope, or the wisdom to fulfill our partners need in other ways or to find alternatives to meet the real need, (mental or emotional) or He will give us the Spiritual power to cast out the demonic influence that is driving our spouse beyond reason.
If it really is a problem then pray and discuss it together and there will be an alternative that you can cope with. Some of the alternatives following may be helpful. One of the most important things to keep in mind is that you are “Making love”, not using each other but human nature being what it is, we all have off days, sometimes off years. Do what you can to “bless your lover”.
Dysfunction: Some people cannot enjoy sex and my example is a Christian couple I know. She has never had an orgasm in 15 years of marriage. It causes them, her husband especially, great grief. How can God allow this to happen? He has an answer! He expects us to work to solve our problems and the journey often brings greater longer lasting rewards than just the expected end result.
Perhaps it is from past abuse or perhaps it is from a hormonal imbalance. See the section on abuse for options to deal with that. Hormonal imbalances may be corrected by regular nursing. Perhaps she needs greater emotional satisfaction to function physically. Men often forget that women are not like them and need time and nurture to function on that level. A full body massage may help.
Perhaps they just need to be more sexually creative to find a way that works.
A sex researcher recently stated to a conference, “Some women don’t feel anything until they reach 3,000 revs, deal with it!” I disagree that we need mechanical devices to solve problems. I believe that God has a better more natural answer but some of us are “called” to spend a lot of time finding those answers, so that we may comfort others with that comfort that we have found.
Some people both women and men find intimacy unbearable, too much to cope with.
This may be a result of not being breastfed when a baby. Breastfeeding is the first example of personal intimacy and develops a person's ability to trust another person intimately.
This is why we need to follow God's instructions. We don't see the long term repercussions of our actions until the next generation shows us the results. 1 Cor: 7 tells us to not refuse each other.
It may feel bad because we can't cope with intimacy but we must serve each other and try to fill each other's needs for the long term good. Regular intimacy (sex, breastfeeding) retrains the intimacy response with regular doses of oxytocin. It may take months to retrain but it is possible.
What kind of sexual activity is ok by God and what can’t we do?
Christian counselors are mostly agreed that anything a couple agrees on is OK by God. The verse; “The marriage bed is sacred” tends to back that up. (Heb:13.4) It doesn’t say the marriage bed should be, but that it is sacred/holy/undefiled/clean. The Talmud states that, “a man may do whatever he pleases with his wife”. (Kosher sex 101) As a rule of thumb we have 2 main guidelines. Sex is for pleasure and making babies so anything that makes babies or is pleasurable is ok. But lets look at some specifically asked questions.
Anal intercourse is popular at the moment it seems as many are talking about it. Many on the Internet have written that “some women like it” but I have never read anything written by a woman saying “I like it”. I don’t know of any women who like it. Seems to be something men want to try. There is even a website purporting to be Christian but obviously set up by homosexual activists, advocating anal intercourse while a wife has her period. If it’s ok for us, then it’s ok for them, is probably the reasoning they are trying to engineer. Unrighteous people cannot make righteous judgments.
Is it OK by God? I don’t think so! Why not? Because it is not beneficial to one partner! The anus was designed for excretion not sex. There is no lubrication and so it will mostly be painful for the wife and may cause damage and possibly lead to infection. The bible doesn’t preclude many things when it comes to sex, leaving it mostly up to us but it does speak against unnatural use.
Strangely the Talmud does not exclude anal intercourse but Sodomy with men is punishable by death, being unnatural!
I suggest doggy style but not anal. (Rom:1.26-27)
Breastfeeding your man seems to be experiencing resurgence in popularity. Websites dedicated to support for couples have proliferated with titles like "Land of milk and honey.com", "loving expressions" and "Breastfeeding for husbands and wives. "There is even a strictly Christian group dedicated to it. It is another activity advocated in the bible and therefore attacked by the enemy. You might think it was illegal but in fact it never has been.
It appears to have been common in centuries past with paintings depicting women breastfeeding men in ancient
The answer is both to both and even at the same time.
In 1904 a German man, Carl Buttenstedt, wrote a book on it called, ”Marriage of happiness”.(English translation) It explained the mechanics of adult breastfeeding. Some Doctors began prescribing it for women with weak constitutions, bad period pain and marriages lacking energy. Apparently these common ailments are reduced or negated by regular breastfeeding.
The health benefits seem to be accumulative and some women induce lactation just for that reason. One woman still nursing her husband at age 84 reports that he is strong as an ox and never needs to go to the doctor. She had none of the usual symptoms associated with menopause.
Nursing long term helps a woman to lose her “baby fat” taking it from the hips and thighs and most men appreciate the increase in breast size.
People who regularly nurse together report an intense intimacy like nothing else. For the woman there is the hormone release which can vary from a slight tingle to full blown orgasm! Most common is mild euphoria. This seems to depend on her acceptance of the activity. For the man he gets to feel total acceptance and love pouring out from his wife. Men usually seek intimacy through intercourse but can get it through nursing instead. Some couples say often nursing is enough and others say they usually have passionate sex afterwards. The hormone oxytocin is released in both partners and is the chemical constituent of the “Love” feeling and the “trust” mechanism that bonds two people together.
This is one of the few sexual activities that is advocated in the bible. “Let your wife be a fountain of blessing in the midst of your house. Let the breasts of your wife satisfy you at all times!” (prov:5.19) Solomon is teaching his son to spend more time or regular time at his wife’s breasts instead of feeling like something is missing, that another woman may be able to provide. The words fountain and satisfy indicate drinking and the original word for satisfy could have been translated "drink your fill" instead. (fountains were used for drinking water) One should not base a doctrine on just one verse but should also recognize that there are very few verses promoting any other sexual activity and this one is therefore more powerful by its uniqueness. Song of songs (4:16) Says, “Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits”. Twice her breasts are referred to as fruit. Once as pomegranates ( for eating and look like breasts) and once as grapes, of which the principle product is juice. One of the side benefits is that it is always available, menstrual periods don’t prevent it and it can even prevent periods. There is also a growing weight of medical evidence that the health benefits to the woman are significant and increase with long term nursing, such as resistance to breast cancer, cervical cancer, arthritis and osteoporosis, which is the opposite of expectations. (WHO, breastfeeding) They also report that men who drink breast milk have improved health avoiding colds and reducing stomach disorders. Some men have been drinking breastmilk regularly to treat prostate cancer and the cancer has gone into remission. (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4187697.stm)
Could this be a God system, all good!
The preacher John Knox when separated from his wife for some months wrote to her saying, “I’m thirsty for you”. Probably just another metaphor!
God gave mankind 70 years of life and most women have breasts for 55 of them. If they only use them to breastfeed 2 children for 6 months each as some do, that leaves 54 years with two useless appendages. What a waste of the blessing God gave. He is not pleased with those that waste their talent.
The great bible commentator Mathew Henry advises women to consider doing whatever it takes to keep her man satisfied saying that it may not be so easy to get him back from another woman as to keep him in the first place.
The feminist spirit purports to set women free but seems to want to free them to be men, not the women that God made them to be. He gave them breasts and husbands and made them to be nurturers to be protected. Let each do their part to fulfill each other’s God given roles.
Disabled people have become an entity in modern society where in years past they died or remained unmarried, nowadays they can live quite comfortably on support or working in jobs that don’t require physical expertise such as computer programming. Paraplegics can’t have sex can they? Paraplegic men can usually still have erections, although they can’t feel it, they can feel the hormonal rush. A wife would have to do the work. Women paraplegics can usually still get pregnant, though they cannot feel what is going on down there. A husband needs to be extra careful with lubrication as any damage will not be noticed until it becomes a major infection. Husband nursing and oral sex is still possible. Be creative!
First time.
The first time a couple make love can be one of the scariest events of ones life. If both are virgins they don’t know what to do! The good news is that because of that, it doesn’t matter what they do. Anything is ok if your partner appreciates it.
The first attempt at intercourse may not go well, often it is over before the wife was ready and for her it hurt and caused bleeding as her hymen broke. For him the act was unsatisfactory leaving him ready to try again shortly afterwards. Spending more time in preparation would greatly help both partners.
God created the hymen to keep a girl clean and to make a blood covenant between a couple and this is a spiritual and physical event, which lasts a lifetime as evidenced by the amount of young women going to counselors to find out why they still think about their first time. Often with someone who doesn’t care about them or even a rapist!
Fornication is defined as any sex outside of marriage. Marriage is given as the antidote to fornication. Marriage is the only form of “safe sex”. (1 Co :7.2) Sex outside of marriage is forbidden as it breeds selfishness and promotes the desire to gratify ones needs without responsibility. The idea is that sex is something you give rather than take. The couple is responsible for each other’s feelings, health and well-being.
Sex outside of marriage increases the risk of sexually transmitted diseases, of which there are hundreds of different types. Herpes is one of the most common and a bacteria that causes a “fishy smell”. At the other end of the scale we have syphilis and AIDS, which are so far fatal and incurable.
Prostitution exists to fulfill the needs of men who can’t find a wife or who’s wife cannot or will not fulfill their needs. For centuries prostitution has been decried but it is just a symptom of the greater problem, unmet needs in marriage.
Sex outside marriage, whether before or after invites the enemy of our souls to oppress us with guilt and shame and to prevent us from having a fulfilling marriage or drive us to look outside of marriage.
Homosexuality should not need much of a mention but I feel I must because it is in the news so much now with “gay” marriage being legalized in some States. The bible teaches us that adultery is a worse sin than homosexuality (ten commandments) but the penalty for homosexual acts was death. Marriage is defined as; the union between a man and a woman for the purpose of mutual help, to avoid fornication and the raising of Godly children. Homosexuality doesn’t fit the criteria. They cannot raise Godly children and most are not monogamous. One should ask, with so much cohabitation going on, why do homosexuals want to be married?
I believe the gay rights movers are attacking the foundations of marriage either consciously or unconsciously to bring about it’s destruction. Sex outside of marriage is a sin and marriage precludes homosexuality. (1Cor:6, I Tit:1.10)
Just to put it back into perspective, professing homosexuals stand at about 4% of the population, not what the media would have you believe.
Over 70% of them were molested as children and imprinted with the wrong behaviour responses.
All of them have a poor or nonexistent relationship with their fathers.
Homosexuality is not genetic but it can be inherited from bad fathers who either molest their children or ignore them thus increasing a boy’s need for male affirmation. Lets not forget the enemy’s activity either. Our enemy sometimes sends spirits to coerce men to believe they are homosexual or to exacerbate a natural inclination to need affirmation and once the boy experiences the dopamine rush of sex, it is almost impossible to convince him he is wrong. Just like a young man who falls in love with a young woman; you cannot tell him the relationship is wrong. God gave him the hormones didn’t He? He will find out how bad it could get some years later when the dopamine wears off.
This lifestyle is destructive
The reason I am writing this book is because there seem to be fewer heterosexual couples happy for 50 years these days but the reason is not that it doesn’t work but that people have not been taught how it works. The basis of society has been under attack for so long now that no-one knows the difference.
Masturbation is an activity often queried by Christians. We grow up believing that everyone does it but not being sure if it is “lascivious “ or not. Does anyone know what lascivious is anyway. The bible teacher Derrick Prince used to believe that masturbation was demonic. His proof was that most people can’t stop when they marry. I don’t believe that is necessarily so but excessive desire leading to masturbation could be. After making love would be a problem. I think 6 times a day is definitely a problem. Minister Noel Gibson believes that loneliness is one of the main causes of masturbation, leading men to try to find some pleasure in their existence. One can be lonely even in marriage but following the principles in this book should reduce that need. ? I had a friend in my youth who claimed he didn’t and he had no reason to lie. He was brought up in a loving family home and was very self confident
The rule of thumb is, does it hurt your partner? In a sense it does if it leads you to leave them out. In other words, if you can get your kicks without your spouse, then why do you need one?
It is essentially a selfish act unless your partner is watching and enjoying it. Remember that your body belongs to them not you! You have not the power over your own body but your spouse (KJV) Scripture records a case where a man who married his brother’s widow, Onan, pulled out just before ejaculation and “spilled his semen on the ground”. God punished him and struck him dead. (Gen:38.9)That doesn’t mean that God will strike you dead for masturbating as some might think. He was denying his wife the thing she wanted most (children) and giving himself pleasure in the process. So selfish! Don’t forget that there was no old age benefit from the Government; her children would have looked after her in her old age and being “second hand” no-one else would marry her. Her alternative was to become a beggar in her old age. Onan was denying her more than just a little pleasure, he was treating her as a slave.
The Rabbinical rule is don’t do it regularly, just when needs must! I say, ask your spouse each time!
Oral sex used to be a taboo in some churches and in some States it is actually still illegal. Ancient Jewish tradition does not exclude oral sex and the bible is silent on it. Does it hurt your partner?
No! Is it unnatural? I don’t think so. It took Adam and Eve a long time to get pregnant and I think they were enjoying each other everyday. If spilling your semen on the ground is a crime then swallowing it would be better and the vitamins are good for you. Better to have your spouse help you get relief than to do it yourself! Marriage is not about independence but interdependence.
It is certainly better than the frustration caused by the monthly period or recent childbirth, although breastfeeding may relieve there. Don’t let the devil have room in your marriage, keep each other satisfied.
Many men want their wives to swallow their semen and many women don’t like the idea thinking it is dirty, equating it with unwanted body fluid waste I guess. (So:2.3) This rejection of a man can lead to friction. Men feel totally accepted when their wife accepts their semen and less accepted when they don’t. Racing off to the toilet straight after making love is also a mild form of rejection. Perhaps re-labeling semen as “life fluid” rather than waste fluid would help. Apparently God designed it so that an erection blocks the urinary tract and prevents waste fluid from escaping at the same time.
Some women don’t appreciate oral sex but others find it’s better than intercourse. Each persons’ body is different, work it out between you!
On the subject of cleanliness, these body fluids are disease free naturally so that couples who spend their lives in arid regions without bathing for months will not catch diseases. However, having sex with multiple partners increases the risk of bacteria or viruses getting a foothold (fishy smell). Virgins who marry virgins do not have this problem but promiscuous people think it is normal to smell like that.
They will recieve the recompense of their actions in their bodies!
Recent stats indicate that there is a correlationship between oral sex and the incidence of throat cancer but again these stats don't take virgin marriage into account and so the figures are skewed by promiscuous people whjo may be passing on STDs.
The Gibsons in their book “Freedom in Christ”, say that they have had to cast out demonic influences associated with oral sex and I don’t doubt it but these cases seemed to be all associated with premarital sex which is illegal (fornication) and the enemy is a legal expert, being allowed to oppress whenever a person breaks the law.
The example is a couple who have pledged to marry and don’t want to have intercourse before their wedding night to keep it special, so they relieve their passions through oral sex instead, thus blurring the lines and allowing spirits of guilt and shame to come in. The shame continiues after marriage thus rendering their union unsatisfying and destroying the relationship.
After marriage anything is ok, the marriage bed is clean and undefiled.
Pornography is another subject that many ask about. It appears to be just like reading but some men are addicted to it and prefer it to the real thing. Porn is insidious and dangerous to marriages as it can be enjoyed without your partner’s involvement. Remember we are aiming at one flesh not two people enjoying themselves. God’s plan was to enjoy each other and no one else. It can be a much bigger problem than it appears because it is unreal. There are no emotional connections for the voyeur and therefore no failures. In the mind it can be perfect, not like the real thing. The antidote for someone addicted to porn is to spend more time with the real thing. Whatsoever is good, think on / do those things! Drink water from your own cisterns! Forums are filled with women asking, “why does my husband prefer porn to me?” Men tend to be more visually oriented than women and so a wife should try to be more visually appealing by keeping her weight down. Some men also like the stimulation of variety. A wife who will not try different positions or oral sex or anything other than the “missionary” position time after time, turns an exciting pleasure into a boring chore and risks losing him to porn or another woman. A satisfied man doesn’t need to look elsewhere.
Jesus taught us that looking on another with lust was as good as adultery so looking at pictures of others is equally adultery. The word immoral used in Hebrews 13:4 is translated from the Greek word “Pornos”, where we get the word pornography from. They didn’t have photographs or videos back then but looking at something you shouldn’t have with strong desire is the fundamental problem. This was Eve's first mistake in the garden. She looked at the fruit! The word used indicates she gazed fixedly with desire!
If your husband already has a porn addiction, please be aware that it is a real physical addiction. The dopamine rush he gets from it will drive him just as surely as if it were drugs like cocaine. It will take a time of withdrawal just the same to get over it. Proverbs 5 infers that women should keep their husbands intoxicated with their love to prevent them straying into foreign territory. Letting their breasts satisfy their husbands has another side benefit for husbands who are prone to performance nerves. Nursing is not a performance and so the anxiety doesn’t exist and the pleasure is untainted. I have read a woman’s testimony of healing her husband from addictions by regular nursing. Better to keep it in the family than to blurr the lines.
Pregnant sex. Is it ok to have sex while pregnant? Doctors mostly agree that sex while pregnant is beneficial to the wife. They advise being careful in the first trimester as the uterine contractions may precipitate miscarriage (if there is a history) and also in the last trimester when contractions could cause premature labour. However there are so many women having sex and or breastfeeding throughout these stages with impunity that doctors are no longer giving warnings unless there is a family history of problems. Indeed the contractions that occur may be beneficial for preparing the uterus for an easier birth. They say that children can feel love or the opposite while in the womb and so making love while pregnant will have a positive effect on the unborn child’s psyche and suffering frustration may have a detrimental effect. Pregnant women go through many hormone changes which make them feel very different at different times but most feel more energetic and more like making love during the second trimester, that is about the 4th, 5th and 6th month of pregnancy. Colostrum may leak from her breasts during sex after the fifth month and the husband’s disappointment at her expanding waistline is countered by his growing fascination with her expanding breasts and growing nipples, which are too big for a tiny baby’s mouth.
Rape is a word heard more often these days. The Old Testament prescribes the death penalty for rapists. “My husband raped me, should I leave him?” Marital rape however is an oxymoron according to the bible. Scripture teaches us that Marriage is to relieve sexual desire. How can it relieve desire if your partner says no? (1 Cor: 7.2) The Apostle tells us that the husband is the head of the wife and that she should submit to him in all things. (Eph:5.22-23.
So does that mean that a wife has to give her husband sex whenever and as often as he wants? That’s slavery! Almost! For a start, the couple should know what they are getting into before they marry. Having your individual needs met is not the aim. Individuality must go!
They are aiming at “One flesh”. The melding of two people into one person with two bodies! Your body does not belong to you but to your spouse! This is serious! But it is also important to remember the fact that God doesn’t love men and hate women. He commands men to love their wives as themselves and a man who loves his wife is not going to force her to bend until she breaks. They should work it out together and for each other’s mutual benefit. Not against each other and despite each other’s feelings. Women are not slaves and men are not monsters either. Treat each other with respect and love. Give each other what they need as best you can. Work towards more love not more isolation. Sadly when a person (sometimes women abuse their husbands too) cries abuse, it means that they are already operating as married singles and opposing each other instead of working together.
The Talmud states that “a man may do as he pleases” with his wife. She belongs to him. A woman has a choice, to marry or not but if she is married she must do her duty. Note that “mutual benefit” does not mean that, each and every act should be enjoyed equally by both partners. That is impossible, but each partner should try to please each other.
That is the principle running throughout scripture.
I have met many women who after being divorced, would do anything for their latest lovers, who would not marry them.
How different their life would have been if they had done anything for their husband who was pledged to care for them all the days of his life.
What about real abuse, when a partner begins to beat the other? Most counselors at that point would say, “get out!” even Christian counselors! However the bible doesn’t give us this idea. The ancient peoples accepted a man beating an unruly wife as normal marital relations albeit extreme and unwanted. The word of God reinforces to us the idea of loving each other and self sacrifice. Jesus said, “love your enemies” how much more should we love our partner who has become like an enemy? We are taught to pray for those who despitefully use us. Should we pray for all our enemies except our spouse?
Don't forget that a woman (assuming it is she being abused) also has authority over her husband's body. She can therefore pray with aurthority and expect God to work in her husbands body for her benefit.
When Peter suggests to a woman that she submit even to her unbelieving husband, hoping that he will be won by her good conduct, I think this is a key for unlocking any man’s hard heart.(1 Pet:3.1) A woman who is so good, so selfless, so loving, is a prize worth anything and a man who is not worthy of such a gift will want to change to become worthy, or feel so ashamed that he would leave.
God made men to be strong and aggressive, so that they could protect their families but when a wife disagrees with him or dishonours him she runs the risk of moving herself out of his circle of protection and into the opposition’s camp. “A soft answer turns away wrath but harsh words stir up anger!”(Prov:15.1) Women who need protection get it but women who fight can look after themselves! Some men would rather take action than discuss things and when you get a conjunction of extremes, violence can be the result. Try asking rather than telling. Try “yes but” rather than no! However, if he is drunk or under the influence of drugs when he becomes unreasonable, then soft answers will not be heard. Get out!
If it is a woman beating her husband, it is more likely her lack of respect for him that causes the agression. Or because of a lack of agression on his part. He needs to establish his authority, boundaries and his rights and value or separate.
In such a case divorce is still not recommended but either temporary or permanent estrangement. (1 Cor:7.11) Give him time to rethink his priorities and resolve his problems and then, hopefully, reunite. If you are at peace before God believing that you are doing and being who God wants you to be and are still being abused, then you need to check your spouse’s motivation. If they are trying to do right but failing to control themselves, it could be demonic influence. Remember that you have authority over your spouse’s body and can command any evil spirit to leave your property in Jesus’ name. If however he/she seems unconcerned about your welfare as a partner should be then perhaps separation will help them to see what is really important to them.
Should we take our spouse to court for abuse?
(1 Cor: 6.1) When one of you has a grievance against a brother, does he dare go to law before the unrighteous instead of the saints? 2 Do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world is to be judged by you, are you incompetent to try trivial cases? 3 Do you not know that we are to judge angels? How much more, matters pertaining to this life! 4 If then you have such cases, why do you lay them before those who are least esteemed by the church? 5 I say this to your shame. Can it be that there is no man among you wise enough to decide between members of the brotherhood, 6 but brother goes to law against brother, and that before unbelievers? 7 To have lawsuits at all with one another is defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded? 8 But you yourselves wrong and defraud, and that even your own brethren.
This scripture is not about marital relations but financial retribution, however the principle is “don’t bring disrepute onto God by showing everyone how unjust the justified are, by showing how little God's forgiveness means to you by not forgiving”.
Recovery from sexual abuse for a married person is usually a long slow process but possible with help from the Holy Spirit. Patience is the main prerequisite along with the other fruits of the spirit.
There are 2 main methods that work.
The first is for the victim to walk back through the memory of the event with Jesus and to realize that with Him, we are not victims but students learning another aspect of life, so that we may comfort others with the comfort we have received. The memory will not be taken away but the pain will! (2 Cor:1.4)
The second method is to do the thing that hurt so much, with someone you love so much. This will eventually negate or override the painful memory with good ones. It may take many tries to become worth it. It will not take the memory away but will take away the pain of it. An example would be, if a woman was raped doggy style and her husband wants it that way. She doesn’t want to because of the painful associations but she loves her husband and wants to please him. If she watches her husband in a mirror, she will see that it’s him and not the rapist and the position will cease to be the problem. Re-association will replace repulsion! The replacement of the memory will actually aid the healing process and reduce the power of the bad memory, taking away the platform it had and so reducing the pain to the actual problem rather than the act itself. (www.themarriagebed.com)
Sado-masochism, domination and slavery, bondage, flagellation etc. Are these things OK by God? Are we enjoying them? Does it hurt? Sometimes religious sects get legalistic and take scripture at face value, declaring that, as the wife is to submit to her husband in all things, she is demoted to slave status and must obey everything implicitly. He even decides what she should wear and eat. If she is fine with that then great, but if not then the abundant life that Jesus told us about is not happening! We are commanded to love one another, serve one another, honour one another. (Gal:5.13) Flagellation does not sound like love to me! I suggest that if a person says they enjoy this, that they need counseling and maybe exorcism. Sometimes people are hurt during their childhood and develop unbalanced views of sexuality and relationship. They need the word of God to set them free. Sometimes it takes a trained person to administer that word. Sometimes the painful experience and the fear involved has opened the door to the enemy and allowed him to oppress or drive a person beyond normal. They need release from bondage to the enemy. If you are a wife who is being oppressed by your husband and you suspect demonic interference, then remember that although he is the head of the house, his body belongs to you (1 Cor: 7.4) and you have the authority to pray in the name of Jesus and see your husband released. And the same goes for husbands! Jesus came to set us free from bondage to the enemy.
Sex is supposed to be enjoyable healthy and marriage building, Kingdom building.
Safe Sex is a myth fostered by the spirit of this world, working through various agencies, either knowingly or unknowingly. Family planning clinics give out free contraceptive advise to young people about safe sex, who then end up in an abortion clinic because their contraception failed. They never quote accurate figures to anyone. Condoms are supposed to be 95% safe but 15% of all unwanted pregnancies in the
No! Since a woman can only get pregnant for @ 7 days of each month, that makes the condom failure rate more like 45%. Not very safe!
The other 85% of unwanted pregnancies can be divided up between the pill and any other type of contraception or none. A huge percentage of young girls on the mini pill end up having abortions as they are not regular enough in their habits to keep it effective. Being late to take it or being sick or drunk or many other things will prevent it from preventing conception. Being on the pill does not prevent STDs either. Many women have a fishy smell due to STDs and some have much worse. There are still many other STDs that can kill besides AIDS and many have no treatment. Breastfeeding is not failsafe either but exclusive breastfeeding 4 –6 times per day will usually prevent ovulation or at least reduce period duration.
The safest sex is between two people who are married to each other and are faithful. If you want to avoid having a baby, you need to avoid sex during ovulation, @ 4 –12 days after her period. You can tell usually by the increase of vaginal discharge.
TO HAVE OR NOT TO HAVE
Shall we have children? This question is a modern phenomena. For thousands of years there was no question, marriage and children were synonymous. About 30 years ago scientists invented “the pill”, that would change the world forever. Now that marriage has been divorced from children we can choose how we live.
That is a secular mindset. God did not change His directive to multiply. Christians who marry should be thinking family. The bible records that women are saved through childbirth, indicating that the fulfillment of the pain ordered by God in Genesis, forms a path to salvation for women, redeeming them from the curse. Looking at it realistically, I have observed that women with children are usually kinder, softer, more interested in others than themselves, than they were when childless. Perhaps this is part of their natural salvation. (Gen: 1.28) Paul writes, “If you are single, don’t look for a partner, if you are married, don’t look for escape”. God has allowed you the state you are in. Be content, not only content, but also use it to advantage while you can because you don’t know what will happen tomorrow and it may change. (1 Cor: 7.27) The prophet Malachi tells us that God is wanting us to raise up Godly offspring.
So if you are married, you should be thinking about how many children rather than if. Does the bible give us any guidelines here? What does multiply mean? Some branches of the church believe we must have as many children as possible. The spirit of this world teaches us that there are already too many people and we need to get rid of some. Abortion clinics are multiplying and a plentiful supply of condoms have not stopped unwanted pregnancies or the proliferation of AIDs either. Are these things part of the dominion we have over the world? Perhaps they are negative examples. Multiply means to increase in number beyond an arithmetical increase. Arithmetic teaches us that 1+1=2 or 2+2=4, multiplication is a much greater increase than that. Strangely the Jewish tradition holds that a couple must produce 1 boy and 1 girl to fulfill the scriptural requirement. This is not multiplication but replication. Simply the replacing of the couple! The average family in western countries has only two children and most western countries’ populations are shrinking by birth. They are actually all growing by immigration only.
One of the reasons why the Jews are happy with two is their view on the sanctity of life. The people alive are much more important than those yet unborn. Two is often enough for a couple to adequately take care of and besides, if the couple remain alive to see their grandchildren, then the multiplication effect has happened by default, two will have produced six.
However, if we believe that our Heavenly Father is taking care of us and will provide all our need according to His riches in Glory, (Phps: 4.19) and will not suffer the children of the righteous to go begging, then we have no fear about providing for many children and taking care of them. (Ps: 37.25, Pr:10.3)
One of our charges as Christians is to raise up Godly children to His glory and to build His kingdom. (Mal: 2.15) We are also called to walk by faith. Without faith it is impossible to please God. But this is moderated by the admonition to only do what we have faith for, not what we don’t have faith for. God is gracious and patient!
So married couples should have children and at least two, as many more as you have faith for.
Children are a blessing from the Lord; happy is the man who has his quiver full! (12) (Ps: 127.4) Note that children are born by the will of a husband. A woman should never have children against her husband’s will. She will need his support but not get it. (John: 1.13)
Note that children are born by the will of a husband. That word could have been desire, which holds the connotation of procreation. De-Sire = of the father! Proverbs teaches us that “desire fulfilled is a tree of life”. Desire motivates action and right actions build and grow a great reward in the end. Abraham began by leaving all his support systems at home and ended with millions of descendants. Jesus told us that the
What about couples who cannot have children? There are three options I can see. One is to pray. Isaac prayed for Rebecca and God opened her womb. (Gen 25:21) He waited a long time but in the end he prayed.
Two is to thank God for the situation He has placed you in and use it to advantage. You have an unusual ability to do things a family can’t.
And the other is to adopt. There are many children already in this world without parents and perhaps God has denied you children so that they can have parents. Adoption is one of the major themes in the bible. The gentiles have been adopted into the family of God and are joint Aires with
CONCEPTION
For couples wanting children, fertility may be an issue. How do we get pregnant? There are many natural aids to fertility that we can and should use. First is to be healthy. Plenty of water a variety of foods, fresh vegetables and fruit and rest when we need it. Eight or nine hours sleep each night are recommended by most Doctors. A stressful lifestyle does not lend itself to pregnancy. Indeed nature teaches us that males are less likely to be born during stressful times. (herd animals)
For maximum fertility the Talmud and the latest medical research agree that the couple should abstain for the two weeks from the beginning of her period. During the time of her uncleanness! She is ceremonially unclean for 7 days after her period. So 12 –14 days after her period begins is the best time for conception. Women can also tell when they are ovulating by the increase in vaginal discharge at this time. She will usually also feel more like making love at this time, driven by hormones. It’s amazing how many young girls get pregnant on their first time of having sex. Driven to that night by hormonal activity.
Couples are advised to then make love every second day after that to keep the sperm count high.
If a woman is breastfeeding a previous child, it is less likely that she will be able to conceive until her feeding schedule is much lighter, part of God’s plan to lighten her load of children to a manageable level.
Genesis records that Rebecca could not have children and it was 20 years until Isaac prayed to the Lord and he opened her womb. Pray! It is also less likely that a woman can get pregnant if she is worried about it. (Faithful prayer reduces stress) Stress reduces fertility. The highest percentage of childbirths in Western societies occur 9 months after a holiday.
CONTROL
For those who do not want to have children yet and like the natural approach, not making love while her discharge is high is a good start. Usually about a week-7 days after her uncleanness is over.
If you already have a child and don’t want another yet God has it worked out. Breastfeeding!
BREASTFEEDING
The Talmud and the World Health Organization both teach us that a child should be breastfed for 2 years minimum before conceiving another child. The life of the live child is considered more important than the one yet unborn. (don't count your babies before they are born)
He designed breastfeeding to suppress ovulation.
As long as a child is exclusively breastfed ovulation should not occur. When the child begins to eat solid food in place of milk thus reducing the call for milk on the mother’s body, then ovulation begins again. So exclusive breastfeeding for the first year is recommended. If the child wants to try some solid food; that is fine as long as it doesn’t replace feeds. Breast first and solids after! Some women give their children solid food after only a few months; this has been shown to increase the amount of food allergies, as young children cannot process some foods so early. Solids should not be attempted before the child has milk teeth. (Wed, Nov 14, 07 Health Day News)
A woman can breastfeed her baby while pregnant but it is better not to if there is an option. That is, it is better not to get pregnant. This also helps to give the mother a rest from the trauma of childbirth.
In years past women sometimes succumbed to death as the result of having too many children in quick succession. Nursing also suppresses a woman’s desire for intercourse, helping to reduce the possibility of too early a pregnancy and husbands who nurse from their wives also report reduced need for intercourse being satisfied by the intimacy, thus reducing the stress on a marriage. (Prov. 5; 19)
A child’s immune system takes between 2 and 5 years to fully develop and the child gets his immunities from the mother through her milk until then. (WHO, breastfeeding) Children grow teeth between 6 months to a year of age. Mother’s milk is essential for good calcium uptake until the teeth are complete. Formula boasts extra calcium but the “dead” Chemical nature of the ingredients make it more difficult to digest, (which is why formula fed babies eat less often) and less calcium (and iron) is utilized by the baby’s body. It is ok to give baby some solids after they have teeth but unnecessary to give them solid meals for at least six months. Mother’s milk has every nutrient necessary and does not need supplementing.
A child over five years of age should no longer need breast milk unless their diet is incomplete or if they need extra antibodies to combat illness.
Long-term breastfeeding also helps to restore a woman’s body to its pre-birth weight and stopping early will leave her overweight.
Hannah vowed to God that she would give her son to the priesthood after he was weaned. (1 Sam:1.21) Can you imagine a mother giving up her 6 month old? Can you imagine the priests face when handed a baby? Not very helpful! Samuel was probably about 7 years old when he was weaned and therefore useful to the priests being fully developed.
Nursing a child past age 10 was not permitted. Only 2 or 3 years left to adulthood when breasts became more sexual than functional.
Jewish oral tradition says that Sarah used to breastfeed other people’s babies just for the joy of being able to do it. She was 89 when she gave birth. In Gen 21 it records that she was very excited at the prospect of nursing and probably nursed Isaac at least 5 years.
But thou art he that took me out of the womb: thou didst make me trust when I was upon my mother's breasts.
This verse gives us a profound insight into one of breastfeeding’s most important functions. People learn to trust by regular reliable nursing, both physically and emotionally. They first learn to trust their mother when she consistently gives them nurture. This is also a chemical reaction as the hormone Oxytocin is released when nursing and is often referred to as the “Love” hormone but has also recently been discovered to affect the “Trust” receptors in the brain.
Happy and well adjusted children get well adjusted by learning to trust at their mother’s breasts. People who missed out on that (growing number in modern cities) have difficulty trusting people and difficult marriages.
Adopted children also have this trust problem.
. Note that adopted children can be breastfed. Lactation can be induced simply by suckling, pumping or nipple stimulation at regular intervals each day. 4 hours apart seems to be best for most people. It does take several weeks and hormone boosters are available to help speed the process up.
Some women these days feel inadequate and worry that they cannot breastfeed. It takes practice but the system was designed by “one who knows” what is best and there are very few real reasons why a woman cannot. Anxiety is one of them and the bible teaches us to be anxious for nothing”. Health is another. As long as a mother is getting good food and plenty of water (not coffee or manufactured drinks) and resting enough, she should have little problem. Women in
The next two potential problems are regularity and complete removal of milk.
The human body loves regularity and feeding at regular intervals works best but unless all the milk is removed each time, the breasts will not make as much again for the next time. They must be emptied at least 80% each feed. This is one of the biggest mistakes young mothers make, letting the baby snack or fall asleep during feeds. Swap sides often if need be to keep baby focused and awake.
Even men can produce milk as they have the same equipment, just smaller. Legend has it that Mordecai breast-fed Esther after her mother died as he could not find a wet-nurse who was willing to feed the “foreign devil”. One of Hudson Taylor’s babies died for the same reason.
Modern western women are told by society that they should feed their children for 6 months and then get back to work, implying that breastfeeding is a short-term event and that working is of more value than child raising.
Nothing could be further from the truth! Child raising is one of the main reasons for the existence of marriage and the more time we spend with our children the happier and more secure they are and better trained too.
Long-term nursing also produces wonderful benefits for mothers. Two years of nursing will remove all the baby fat a woman accumulates during pregnancy.
Most women who have breastfed some of their children will verify that better bonding with the child occurs when breastfeeding and medical research has proved that women who breastfeed long term have greater immunity to breast cancer, cervical cancer and diseases like osteoporosis. They are constantly finding more health benefits as they dig deeper into this God system. No wonder it too is under attack in western society.
Genesis records a blessing given to Joseph and his descendants including blessings of breasts and womb. (Gen: 49.25) The ability to feed and bare children! Interesting that it mentions feeding before baring. Many think that you must have a baby to make milk but it is not so. Earlier it mentions milk white teeth, no coincidence that milk provides calcium for teeth. The children of
God provided women with two breasts but they usually only have one baby. Each breast can operate completely independently so a mother with only one, can still breastfeed successfully. It also means that she can feed twins, or a newborn and a toddler or a baby and her husband. (prov 5; 19)
Women who breastfeed usually report a reduced sex drive but husbands don’t, causing great conflict unless they too are nursing from their wives. Many report a more peaceful and fulfilled state of mind. Some women have been able to feed their husband a baby and a toddler without problems and with much pleasure. Many modern western women complain of things like putting on weight and period pain (PMT) etc. and breastfeeding takes care of those things and they don’t realize that not breastfeeding is actually the cause of the problem.
ABORTION
Abortion has become an issue in these modern times so we had better look at it here. Every person has their own idea of what is right or necessary but what does God say?
As has been previously mentioned, children are born by the will of the father, that is that a woman who is married and conceives does so because her husband desired it. And we have also noted that a wife’s body belongs to her husband so that gives us a platform to work from that goes against the “pro choice “ camp. They say a woman has the right to decide what will happen to her own body but the word of God tells us that she gave that right to her husband and before that, her father had that right. So whether to have an abortion or not is the father or husbands final decision.
It is important to note here that Women who abort before having children run the increased risk of breast cancer by more than 50%. Its known as the ABC link. The verse, "they shall recieve the recompence for their actions in their bodies" comes to mind.
What did the ancient Jews say? Once again, they viewed the life of the already born as more important than the life of the yet unborn. If giving birth will put the woman at more risk than having an abortion, then abortion is obviously the better choice.
If it is just a problem of economics, then God has assured us that He will provide for all our needs, so that issue should not be a problem. There may be some out there with nine children and a factory job who say, “This isn’t working” but God has a better plan and is just waiting for us to ask ... and listen for the answer. If abortion was the answer then Oprah Winfrey would not exist.
If we could work it all out ourselves then we wouldn’t need God would we?
One of the reasons abortion is rife is due to the birth control pill. Before the pill people knew that sex and babies went together but this generation has divorced sex from children and pleasure is now the primary focus, not procreation. Fathers have reneged on their responsibility to protect their daughters from fornication and have given them to irresponsible young men, who are looking for pleasure only. Fathers who care (have a deep commitment to be involved in their daily life) for their children will not likely have a daughter who needs an abortion. And husbands who listen to God and believe in His provision will not have to worry about caring for too many children.
What about overpopulation?
On a practical level, the countires most worried about it are western developed countries where the population is actually shrinking by birth and was never too great to bare. Countries in Asia have much greater population density and are not slowing. India is set to become the worlds most populous country and it found a way to double its food production about 10 years ago. Maybe they will discover a way to triple it soon. The country with the densest population is Bangladesh and they also have the largest population of wild tigers?? No shortage of space!
China is trying to control their population even tho they have a much smaller density than India, and has yet to see the social, economic and maybe even National destruction it will cause. Some quote the starving millions in the world not realizing that they are starving because of wars, natural disasters and bad government.
CHILD RAISING
This book is not about child raising but marriage was designed with child raising in mind so we need to have a quick look. Child raising is another institution under attack in the western world. People are having fewer children, valuing them less (time) and fobbing them off onto babysitters and schools so that they don’t have to deal with the problems, which then come back on society later.
The word teaches us that we should fill the earth, that children are a blessing but that they will turn to a curse if we don’t bring them up with discipline and love. ( Isa. 3:12)
This is not the state’s job or the school’s job or the teachers’ job but the parent’s job.
Children become like their parents, whether we like it or not, whether they like it or not! Modeling is one of the greatest tools available to the parent and the greatest challenge. Our children will not be better than us!
The father once again is the head of the house and his spirituality will guide the children.
Many cases of marriages show us that where the father loves God, even under bad circumstances, the children follow, especially the boys, and where the wife only loves God, the children are less likely to follow Him. Such a case is the great Christian writer Harriet Beecher-Stowe, who was faithful to God all her life and wrote many best selling christian novels. Her husband Calvin was a very sought after preacher worldwide but felt un needed by his strong independant wife and lapsed into philandering and turned from God. Their children followed him.
Missionary William Carey also had a difficult marriage. His wife did not want to go on the mission field at all and was very fearful of discomfort and deprivation. Eventually she was taken away suffering a mental breakdown (Bewilderment of heart! Deut:28.28) but he remained faithful to God and so did his children.
David Livingston was an absentee father and his wife became a drunkard but his children followed him. David was famous as the explorer of Africa but he failed his primary mission of evangelisation. Some believe he would have been much more successful had he taken his family with him. He would have been slower and covered less ground but the native people would have listened more to a resposnsible father than an absentee one.
King David was another famous bad father but he clung to God and wrote this:
saying, "I WILL PROCLAIM YOUR NAME TO MY BRETHREN, IN THE MIDST OF THE CONGREGATION I WILL SING YOUR PRAISE." And again, "I WILL PUT MY TRUST IN HIM." And again, "BEHOLD, I AND THE CHILDREN WHOM GOD HAS GIVEN ME."
One of his sons tried to kill him but another became King after him and led his country into the most peaceful and prosperous time in
All these people were commended for their faith but I can’t help wondering how much better it might have been if the husband and wife had worked together in unity.
TRAINING and DISCIPLINE
Children affect a marriage and all of society greatly and become the future, so the enemy spares no effort to have them aborted, abased and abused to try to prevent them growing into Godly people. The “Father of Faith” Abraham was given the job of establishing the children of God because God knew that he would train his children ( Gen:18.19 )
Spanking has recently become illegal in some countries as the devil tries to make children unbearable for their parents and teachers and thereby destroy society. The evidence of this is now being seen in many western countries where children are unteachable and lean towards a life of crime and indolence, unable to control themselves enough to hold a job or do anything useful.
In the 1950s the American Junior High Principles annual meetings had discipline problems on the agenda, how to stop students littering and chewing gum. The same meeting 30 years later was asking how to stop students raping , arson and selling drugs.
The reasoning for the anti spanking rule was to prevent child abuse. A good idea but instead it has taken away one of the most important tools from good law abiding parents and is powerless to stop lawless people from abusing those in their reach. Abuse is the result of a lack of discipline and respect for others. Abusers do not respect the children’s personal value or their own or the authority of law. They don’t have the long-term view of child raising that good parents have and making a law will not prevent them from doing whatever they want.
This important area of marriage is one of the usual big sticky spots for husbands and wives to fight over. Usually the husband is harder on the children than the mother and she tries to stop or modify his discipline in front of the children, thus denying his headship and showing disrespect for his opinion on discipline.
The children being naturally rebellious/born in sin, see the division and use it to advantage next time. Many divorces start to occur after the children’s discipline issues grow.
To both I say be careful to discipline with love!
How can that be you say?
The motivation of correction should be to make the kids better people not out of selfish frustration or redirected anger. On the subject of anger, many advise to never hit a child in anger.
I say anger is not the problem. The bible says be angry but don’t sin. We are all angry sometimes, it’s the natural human condition. But don’t sin!
Spanking your child to correct his behaviour is not a sin.
Solomon teaches us that a man who does not correct his son, hates him. (Prov:13.24) His end will not be honouring to his parents or himself or good for society. The Law of Moses teaches us that a son who will not listen to or respect his parents should be put to death to remove the evil influence from society. We don’t do that anymore and the results are seen on the news.
Sons going to school with guns and killing as many people as they can before they are themselves killed. A parent who disciplines their children saves themselves, their children and society from much damage.(De:21.16)
Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. (Prov:22.6) That verse teaches us to train our children and to do it while they are young and we will see the reward of it when they are old. Remember that a boy becomes a man at age 13 so the training should be just about complete by then.
It’s most important to realize that the training is the parents responsibility not the state or the teacher’s. A child’s education is the parent’s responsibility.
You can send your children off to the state school everyday if you choose but God will hold you responsible, not the teachers. Home schooling is the most biblical option. Christian school is next but God still holds the parents to account and not every Christian teacher is wonderful.
Many people think that State school teaches children to be strong individuals who think clearly and not puppets of the church. The bible teaches us to be responsible thinking people who trust God first and strong individuality is controlled for the good of all not pandered to until the person ends up a slave to sin.
Many of life’s most important lessons are not taught at school but learned from what is said, or not said at the dinner table. Remember to talk about what God has done when you get up, when you lie down, when you eat, when you work. Always praise Him for what He has done. You will see your children become mighty in the land, not victims of the system.
This is a blessing of God that comes about by doing what He commanded and the reverse is a curse that comes about by not doing what He commanded.
PROVISION
A good man leaves an inheritance for his children’s children. (Prov.13:22) If you are a full time minister in the church, then I think you are entitled to believe by faith that your children’s inheritance will be taken care of by God (Levitical inheritance) but if not, and even then I think God requires us to be wise stewards of what He has given us; God has given us the ability to get wealth!
He gave us talents and requires us to use them to be a blessing and a benefit to those in our care. The servant who buried his talent was fearful but he was called wicked and lazy and was cast into outer darkness where there was weeping and gnashing of teeth. He who does not provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever! He shows us in His word that investment and growth are the ways He wants us to prosper, not saving and holding on but investing and giving. The parable of the talents teaches us that fearful holding onto what we have gets us in trouble but a bold investment brings reward beyond the natural. Those who know their God will be bold and do exploits! (Da.11:32.) We should be trusting Him and using our brains to find ways WE can make what we have work for us. Raising children is expensive and many decide not to have children because of the great expense but He has given us the ability to fund it already. We just need to seek Him for the way to use what we have.
In his best selling book, “Rich dad poor dad”, Robert Kiyosaki tells us that our financial success begins with simple things like what we share over the dinner table. Whether we say, “We can’t afford it” or ask, “How can we afford it”. Looking at the long-term view, we are investing (not saving) for our children’s benefit, not using all our resources buying expensive things (that perish) now. Without vision the people perish! (Prov. 29:18) The word, “perish”, means to waste away without restraint. In other words, if you have a goal, you can discipline your self to work towards it and eventually succeed.
Not only can we provide for our children but we can also teach them to be providers.
The parable of the shrewd servant teaches us that preparing for the future by building relationships with people (investing) is more important than being careful with someone else’s resources. (Mat.16:1) We should be careful to not let fear hold us back from the biblical mandate to fill the earth and subdue it. Alone we cannot do it but corporately we can. We need to raise our own armies (children) and teach them how to take over until Jesus comes back to rule.
Many Christians live by the adage, “Neither a borrower or a lender be” but the Jewish people are well known for their financial success under any circumstances. They make a practice of making small business loans to their fellow Jews to help each other succeed. In the 1950s the average family had the husband working 40 hours a week and the wife staying home to look after the three children. They knew that the mortgage would be paid off in 25 years time and they could then buy a new car and put aside some money for a trip and nest egg for their retirement. The kids wore hand-me-downs but were happy and would soon marry and move out. Contrast that with a more recent version of family life. The husband works 50 + hrs a week and the wife works 30 or 40 as well. They earn five times as much money as their parents did but seem to be struggling to keep up with the necessities of life. The two children are in daycare and that, medical insurance and the extra car take out the extra money earned. The kids wear the latest fashions and move out before getting married. They have moved house three times and the mortgage will not be paid off until they are 65. While they are putting more of their money aside for retirement, it is buying less. The daughter will soon be divorced and bring her kids back home to live. No-one is happy! Mid life crisis is simply the act of looking at one’s life to see if one’s expectations have been met and deciding to do something about it before it’s too late. The product of wrong decisions earlier in life and often followed by more wrong decisions! Short term thinking brings short term results. Every decision is a seed which will bring fruit and we must be aware of what that fruit will be and make sure it will be good. We are called to bare fruit that is eternal.
The scripture about not borrowing was aimed at countries not individuals. The Nation was to find within itself the resources needed, not to incur debt and put itself in jeopardy. Debts by individuals were to have time limits so as not to cause despair. (Deut 15.1-) Short-term loans were good.
My God shall provide for all my need according to His riches in Glory in Christ Jesus. How He provides is different for each individual but we must begin with work and investment and miracles are possible when they fail.
Please note that I am not a fan of risky stock investments but in investing into property and working business. Something that creates wealth not just shifts the ownership around.
“Money equals work done” and so currency devalues more when people make more of it without working.
GUIDANCE
So what do we do now?
Do whatever God has put on your heart, it is He who gives us the desires of our heart.
If in doubt then do whatever seems best. Do not do nothing while you wait for guidance!
You will hear a voice behind you, as you go, saying, “this is the way”
My wife and I have a rule of thumb; Do whatever you last heard Him say, until you hear again! Bill Johnson says, “You won’t get another revelation from God until you put into use the last one”.
Should women work outside the home? Sure, if they are both agreed! The husband is the head of the house so if he wants his wife to work, it is better that she work. If he doesn’t, it is better that she doesn’t. Best is when they both agree.
Should a woman work and the man stay home? No!
God cursed/commanded man to work and earn his bread by it. It was a curse but we are sanctified by obedience to His word.
Sometimes a woman has better qualifications than her husband and can earn more money.
More money is not the goal of marriage or of the
Test Me in this! Says God in Malachi. Lift Him up and put Him first and He will lift you up.